We have a hunch why so many mil lions of people eagerly watch HBO's True Blood every Sunday night., .and it's not just because of the great acting and writing. Nope, its because watching Sookie and Bill (or Jason and, well, everyone else) rip each others clothes oil and engage in uninhibited, unbridled sex is really, really hot. That might also explain why we were so quick to believe recent reports that Nicole Kidman described her sex life with hubby Keith Urban as raw and dangerous. Tunis out, Kidman was misquoted...but that didn't stop us from being seriously intrigued by the concept and wanting to know more. What exactly is raw sex? Experts describe it as that purely physical, slightly rough, almost dangerous, gottahaveyounow sex.
The kind where you morph into a sensual animal, leaving you incapable of thinking of (or doing) anything but satisfying your cravings. And it turns out that singlemind edly using each others bodies to make yourselves feel good can bring you closer. "Its extremely bonding because it reaffirms that you both still lust after each other," says clinical sexologist Eric Garrison, author of Mastering Multiple Position Sex. Oh, and that laser focus you have on your bodies? It feels amazing.
Raw Power
If raw sex had a motto, it would be Just Do It—whenever and wherever the urge strikes. "The point is to have sex because it feels good, period," says Natasha Valdez, EdD, author of A Little Bit Kinky. "You have to let all your inhibitions fly out the window and focus on fulfilling your needs only." Transla tion: When it comes to raw sex, its not just to be selfish—its encouraged. But that actually works in everyone's favor. By concentrating on your own plea sure, you won't be distracted by selfcon scious worries about how you're performing. That allows you to be totally overcome by your desire, which strokes your guy's ego and turns him on. Plus, you'll both be able to share in the power of the moment: When you have particu larly intense sex, your brain interprets it as something unusual and exciting. That, in turn, prompts the release of an especially potent cocktail of feel good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, Valdez explains. Raw sex is also a great destressor. Because it s so intense, your mind is cleared of any unrelated thoughts about money, work, or whether you remembered to DVR True Blood. More than any other type of sex, it forces you to empty your head and be in the moment, Garrison says. And since it breaks up your routine, it keeps your relationship hot even when you're not in bed. "Having raw sex stops things from becoming mundane and predictable and, most important, stops the two of you from taking each other for granted," says Ava Cadell, PhD, founder of Love oIogyUniversity.com, Finally, couples have the capacity to have stronger orgasms with raw sex, Garrison says, because seeing your partner so turned on automat ically ups your arousal, causing the big finish to be even bigger than usual. Both of your bods then release higher amounts of bonding hor mones. So you both have great Os, then feel even tighter as a couple than you did before.
It's Go Time
Raw sex is truly possible only when you're overcome by desire. So that means you just have to go with it, whether you're in your driveway after a great evening out or waking up from an especially naught) dream. To intensify the passion even more, don't be afraid to grab a fistful of his hair as you kiss him. Or if he's wear ing an old crappy tee, rip a hole in it. This will give him permission to get a little crazy with you, and the rush of doing something wild will also heighten your desire even more. You don't need to wait until you're together to begin some raw foreplay. Send him a text like "I can't wait to get you naked" or "I need you inside me right now" to tip him off that you want to get untamed when you see him. Or call him and let him know, in detail, exactly what you re dying to do. Then zero in on him the second you're to gether. Do it up against a wall or re move only absolutely necessary articles of clothing bef ore getting down to it to make sure that nothing gets in the way of your satisfaction. If things move to the bed room, take over. "When you feel like you're in complete control, it's easier to explore new tilings without feeling self conscious," Cadell explains. "It's very arousing for both of you, and it helps transform the sex into something especially intense." Maybe even tie a scarf over his eyes so that you're calling all the shots, and then let loose as much as you want— after all, whatever you do, he won't be able to see it. But he'll sure as hell feel it.
Give Him a Heads Up
Once you are together, how ever, Valdez recommends giv ing your guy advance warning before doing things you've never done before. "You don't want to overstep boundaries," Cadell says. "No matter how close you are, everybody has them." For example, instead of just sinking your teeth into his shoulder, let him know what's in store by licking his shoulder and saying some thing like "Mmm.. .you taste so good" and then giving him a little nibble. If he moans, you know he's into it. Of course, its also important to mix raw sex with slower, more tender sex. "You need to have a good balance of both," Cadell explains. "If you have raw sex all the time, that can become boring too." So don t try to force or plan out raw sex. Just make sure to act on it when you feel like releasing your inner animal.
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